Preface: Crazy Baldheads

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I am back from Jamaica in one (bruised and tired) piece. Before I left the states I recieved an e-mail from Jon Gosse, manager of " Island Sport Trust" in Jamaica. The e-mail explained that we mountain bikers, upon arrival in JA, would be privy to a "Meet and Greet" provided by the JTB (Jamaica Tourist Board). The contact list on the e-mail read like one of those questions on an I.Q. test.

Which one of these is not like the other?

A. Thomas Vanderham
B. Kyle Ebbett
C. Cam McCaul
D. Kathy Pruitt
E. Ian Hylands
F. Gregorio

As if you don't know, the obvious answer is F. Yours truly.

Oh the roller coaster ride of emotion, excited to be riding with the best riders in the world, intimidated at the thought of riding with the best riders in the world. Would I tense up and be hesitant through the wet, technical downhills that are synonomous with riding in JA, or would I ride aggressively and come into the slick off camber corners too hot and blow right off track potentially falling to my death? Would I get lucky enough to just not be in the way? These are just a few of the disturbing thoughts running through my head as I boarded the plane from Huntsville, AL to Montego Bay, Jamaica via Charlotte, NC.

As I predicted my bike box was well over the 50lbs. limit. The obese canister and it's contents tipped the scale at exaclty 70lbs. There goes a quick $50US. But soon was at peace with loosing my fitty and arrived in MoBay for the "Meet and Greet" provided by the JTB. A pretty sweet deal, as I was treated like a real athelete or at least someone more important than I actually am. They mt me upon deboarding the plane and escorted me and my luggage past all those waiting in line for customs to a "Super Special" customs area where they could hassle me in a more direct and personable manner.

Customs official: Wat is in di box?(It is written on their sheet next to my name, Blue Yeti 575 Mountain Bike)

Me: A blue Yeti Mountain Bike.

CO: Kin you open up di box?

Me: If you insist.

CO: Are you goin ta sell di bike while here?

Me: Ha ha.

CO: Are you goin ta sell di bike while here?

Me: No. I will need it when I return home.

CO: It will haf to be fumigated.

Me: Reading my well prepared statement, "It is new, never been in mud, sand, dirt and or grit, and ridden only in my driveway. (note: when going to JA with your bike, make sure it is very clean, put on new tires, and say it is new, you may not not be subjected to fumigation which costs varying amounts of money depending on who knows what, and you will inevitably have to wait for someone to get thru with lunch break, which will take forever).

CO: Ok den wait here.

Another customs official comes over and says that since I am the last rider arriving I must pay a duty on everyones bikes. After fighting this for at least thirty minutes we agree upon $1200JA. Almost $15US. Later I found out Cam McCaul was the first rider to arrive and also paid the duty for everyones bikes. That is the way things work, or don't work in Jamaica, you have to expect it, live with it, and not let it bother you. Things there are not likely to ever change. That is part of the whole experience of Jamaica that makes it what it is. If you can not put up with being hustled, hassled, delayed, and periodically incoveneinced then Jamaica is not for you. At lest not the real Jamaica, the one outside of the all inclusive resorts. Relax and treat others with respect, smile and have fun, or don't go.

Finally through with customs JTB escorts me to the JTL (Jamaica Tours Limited) desk for transport to Ocho Rios, typically about 1.5 to 2 hrs away, depending upon many things (how many cows and goats are in the road, road construction or lack thereof, Red Stripe stops, etc). They insist that I am the responsibility of JUTA (another Transport and tour group) and JUTA denies knowing me. It does not matter to me who transports me so I quickly strike a a helluva deal with a very nice Jamaican lady with JTL and she has me on my way to Ochi within 15 minutes. I arrive at "Rooms on the Beach" in Ocho rios without incident and discover, hey it really is on the beach and for the most part in the middle of downtown Ocho Rios. This looks like a really good place to stay, close to everything but the riding, except the Fern Gulley, Goshen, Prospect loop, which is one of my favorites in all of Jamaica. Now time for a Red Stripe, bicycle assembly and off to the welcome party.